For The Love of Dixie-my unspoken thoughts

This was actually the speech I had written before the event, intending to give at the event and then was too busy to give:

"As a history major in college I had intentionally choose not to involve math and science into my life. Who knew 4 years after I graduated I would be able to successfully explain what a bone marrow transplant is and how the University of Minnesota used my white cells as natural killer cells to get mom into remission. But in many ways I am not the same girl that graduated from Bethel in 2007.

I guess the old saying of "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" is very applicable in my life (and mom's). For over a year Dixie and her "chicks" have been in survivor mode, focusing only on one goal. To have mom live. It's fascinating how the brain defends itself. For over a year when people asked what my mom had, I would say "Leukemia" as if somehow avoiding the title of "cancer" would somehow protect my mom from the consequences that word entailed. Now I see my mom and can't believe how much she fought through to get her today-how much we all fought through to get her here today. So now I want to thank you for keeping the Dixie's Chicks strong enough and surrounded with so much deep love that I truly have no words to truly thank you for all you have given to us.

To the staff from the University of MN. You laughed and cried with us-taught us new
and interesting, often necessary lessons. You fought this battle with us-please stand up so we can thank you for all you did to help us.

For the volunteers from the Lotsa Helping Hands team-please stand up- you became our
family over the last year. You stood in the gap for me and my sister while I worked two jobs and she continued to work hard at finishing her degree. Thank you for loving us and comforting us 24/7 for so many months. We could not have done this with out you.

Deb Danielson, Lee Carey, Suzanne Ryan-stand up LADIES!!! I want to thank you for
being my cheerleaders and co-conspirators who helped me pull of this wonderful event!!!

And to all of our volunteers tonight-I DON’T want to forget your name, so please
forgive for not naming each of you personally. You too made this event possible!!! And all of the wonderful businesses and people who donated to this event! Thank you!

Now. please-EVERYONE stand up. You are my beloved friends, family, and even
strangers who are now family. You too have changed our lives by being here today. You
presence means more than words could ever express. Please know that we appreciate
your support and cheerful hearts so very much.

I want all of you to remember this night. Remember how you changed the world in this
little way for the better. By recognizing the frailty and humanity of one life. By realizing that you can make a difference. I hope that we “chicks” can at least share that one thing with all of you, "hope". It's what keeps us alive and ready for whatever fight life places in our path. Thank you for being a part of our hope."

Days Away and Ready to Celebrate!!!

The Pheonix, a mythical bird that rises from it's own ashes reborn. Love that story.

Quick note: For those who do not know...Mom's fundraiser is this Saturday! Please email me if you are interested in attending (wolkate@bethel.edu).

On that note, updates on mom...

As mom said tonight, this time last year her body was "trying to die." She'd finished her second round of chemo inpatient and the only thing keeping her alive was the granulacytes that were being infused into her body. This time last year her doctor's were pushing us HARD for her health care directive. We were figuring out durable power of attorneys and proxy situations. Needless to say it is something that my mind still does not fully understand.

As Elizabeth Gilbert says in her new book, Committed:
"It doesn't take a great genius to recognize that when you are pushed by circumstances to do one thing you have always most specifically loathed and fear, this can be, at the very lease, an interesting growth opportunity" (20).

Growth. Change. Inner evolution. Inner peace. Hope.

Each day, each moment of our lives is new. A moment for us to remember all that we have come through and change for the better. Take the good, the bad, the neutral, the crazy, the hope...take it all and make a new you. Hardest thing to learn: you can only change YOU. The world, family, friends, work, your car, your home...these are things you can impact. But not by yourself change. You need to first change yourself. I hope that this year has at a minimum done that.

In self reflection I would say I am a less anxious person, more people focused, still loving a good cause to focus on (it was a my mom and now it's the event in her honor). However at the same time I realize that my life has been changed. I am willing to listen but also trust my instincts and my knowledge. People have significantly invested in me as a person and I am not about to let those lessons go to waste. So thank you for those who have questioned me, loved me, challenged me, inspired me and danced with me. You are beautiful. Remember your ability to change yourself and the world!

As Kathy Bate's character says in the movie PS: I Love You, "if we are all alone. We are still in that together too." So for those days I am lonely I smile and remember that my neighbor on the side walk is still in this life experiencing events with me. And I smile even more. :)

On that note my song of the week/month/year...yup I love it that much..."Do it Now" by Ingrid Michaelson