Thoughts of Inspiration and Change

This beautiful photograph is courtesy of the ever serene and inspirational, Kari Tribble.

Over the weekend, at the Survivorship Conference at the University of MN, I experienced a beautiful moment of renewal and hope. I am forever grateful for the example presented by Ruth Bachman, a beautifully inspirational and charismatic woman. Clips of her presentation are listed below, I hope they are as wonderful for you as they were for me. :)

”Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.”-John Lennon

Changing one’s perspective allows us to move forward.

Live life, don’t live cancer.

”Thrivers” are people who know when to hold and know when to fold.

Life is full of narrow spots, in the hour-glass of our lives, we like the sand remain but through the narrowing our lives will be re-ordered and changed.

Change is the RULE, NOT the exception.

Change is sometimes good, but is often accompanied by fear. (FEAR= False Expectations Appearing Real). When you go kicking or screaming through than narrowing in your life, you will still go.

Patience is learning how to have an honest, gentle relationship with yourself. It asks you to be present with yourself. It is also an opportunity for growth and grace, when we need to learn that we are NOT in charge.

Faith doesn’t prevent the narrow spots, but it does cushion them. There is no escaping the narrow spots. They are spots that require attention, even just conscious recognition: What is truly lost? What remains? And what is possible? We need to integrate that loss into who we are.

Ruth’s self description when asked “what she does?” “I share my enthusiasm with the world.” (She also wants to be an “irritational speaker, instead of an inspirational speaker” because it would be more affective in creating change.)

We need to live in abundance. “Yes, AND…” not “Yes, but…”

Allow someone to help. It is a gift to them as much as it is a gift to you.

The narrow spots: name them, talk about them, gather information, and ask for help.External resources enhance our internal resources.

And my favorite line: “Change is inevitable, transformation is intentional.”

Live Everything! You may live your way into the answers to your own questions.

Instead of having a pity party, ask yourself: “Yes this happened, now what?”

Don’t just “go through it” instead “grow through it!”

The root of the word “inspire” is “to breath into.”

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May you all have a beautifully inspirational week my friends! Happy spring everyone!

Happiness-A List :)

Things I love/my way of expressing love:
(As inspired by The Daily Love)
Quick summary of the article. We all express and recieve love in our own way and unfortunately often expect those around us to express their affection the same way. This is not always the case and as a result we are disheartened by the experience. My goal is to find out the top 5 things each of you love to do or how you best recieve the expression of love and to attempt to apply that over the next few weeks!

My examples/ways I love expressing my love:

Dancing in the street/sidewalk anywhere-Just letting it all out in moving form! (Also random dance parties with friends)

Laughter-deep belly laughs that go so long that you forget what they were even about. (Also smiles)

Spending time in nature-includes LONG walks, running, skipping, jumping, hiking, camping, swimming, laying in the sun

Crying-tears of happiness and hurt, it’s the free flowing emotions of the soul and I am so relieved when I have been able to let them go.

Hugs! Tight soul shared hugs ones were you feel truly loved by humanity for that moment.

This is just a preliminary list, to be continued...





A photo I fell in love with, unfortunately I don't remember the original artist.

Days Away and Ready to Celebrate!!!

The Pheonix, a mythical bird that rises from it's own ashes reborn. Love that story.

Quick note: For those who do not know...Mom's fundraiser is this Saturday! Please email me if you are interested in attending (wolkate@bethel.edu).

On that note, updates on mom...

As mom said tonight, this time last year her body was "trying to die." She'd finished her second round of chemo inpatient and the only thing keeping her alive was the granulacytes that were being infused into her body. This time last year her doctor's were pushing us HARD for her health care directive. We were figuring out durable power of attorneys and proxy situations. Needless to say it is something that my mind still does not fully understand.

As Elizabeth Gilbert says in her new book, Committed:
"It doesn't take a great genius to recognize that when you are pushed by circumstances to do one thing you have always most specifically loathed and fear, this can be, at the very lease, an interesting growth opportunity" (20).

Growth. Change. Inner evolution. Inner peace. Hope.

Each day, each moment of our lives is new. A moment for us to remember all that we have come through and change for the better. Take the good, the bad, the neutral, the crazy, the hope...take it all and make a new you. Hardest thing to learn: you can only change YOU. The world, family, friends, work, your car, your home...these are things you can impact. But not by yourself change. You need to first change yourself. I hope that this year has at a minimum done that.

In self reflection I would say I am a less anxious person, more people focused, still loving a good cause to focus on (it was a my mom and now it's the event in her honor). However at the same time I realize that my life has been changed. I am willing to listen but also trust my instincts and my knowledge. People have significantly invested in me as a person and I am not about to let those lessons go to waste. So thank you for those who have questioned me, loved me, challenged me, inspired me and danced with me. You are beautiful. Remember your ability to change yourself and the world!

As Kathy Bate's character says in the movie PS: I Love You, "if we are all alone. We are still in that together too." So for those days I am lonely I smile and remember that my neighbor on the side walk is still in this life experiencing events with me. And I smile even more. :)

On that note my song of the week/month/year...yup I love it that much..."Do it Now" by Ingrid Michaelson

Transition and Having Faith

Song on my heart and in my head lately: "Have a Little Faith" by Michael Franti & Spearhead.

Sometimes life feels like you are sitting inside a beautiful snow-globe. Everything in sight appears to be perfectly placed and completely serene with a light dusting of snow covering it all, just to make it that much more magical. Then suddenly you are turned upside down and shaken so hard that you think you will break into pieces. When the earthquake finally stops you realize you have barely moved, though you can tell there's been a change. It's funny how the world around you is exactly the same but inside the globe you know otherwise. Sometimes "life happens."

Snow Globes...

A year ago today mom received a call after a routine bone marrow biopsey. It was late in the evening, yet her doctor was calling her anyways. His first question was if someone was with her, she said, "Yes, my daughter Kate is here with me." He said, "I need you to get her and then sit down." He told her she had cancer. Acute Myelogenous Leukemia (AML) to be exact. A very aggressive form of it and she would need to go in-patient the next morning.

It's funny how those moments of your life become one of those TV moments when time slows and you see the soul of the character on the screen. You see every moment of their lives. How they have faced every moment of their lives. The pain, the joy, the sorrow, the happiness, and all of it seems to be leading to this point. But you still see the contorted confusion on their face. Their shock. And yet some how you know they are strong enough to get through it. That they are surrounded by so much love and their enduring spirit will fight this battle until their dying breath. Flash back to me and mom on the couch in shock and then tears. Somehow finding our way to the suitcases and cloths to be packed. Less than 12 hours later she is in-patient and starting her new treatments.

Life Happens. Whether we are ready for the storm inside the snow globe or not. When we face a life-changing earthquake like that we suddenly remember the world outside of our self. How it somehow is still functioning despite the crisis it has caused. The world has kept right now spinning even though it feels like ours has stopped. But as time passes you realize, you are wrong and that your world is still moving you just hadn't noticed the change while you were in the thick of it. And somehow beyond anything you could have imagined... you have been molded into a stronger, more empathetic person.

Life Happens. Relationships come and go. Those you expect to be there drift into your past. And those you least expected suddenly become your soul-mates. And yes I do mean plural, not in a "in-love" type of way but rather those in your life who bring purpose and a sense of life long friendship and commitment to your soul. I am grateful beyond words to say that I have more than one.

Life Happens. The jobs you expect your mom to be able to transition back to are suddenly gone. Layoffs, unemployment, and job transition are all common vocabulary for us now. Somehow the routine nature we expected is gone. So now onto a new adventure for mom! We know that even this is somehow planned, thank you universe. Mom's doctor had said a few weeks ago that he wanted her to "progressively return to work" not suddenly go back full time. And now she will be able to focus on healing completely before returning to work. Life is transition, life is change, and Life Happens.

It's all about learning what is deep within your soul. Finding out about who you are in the good, the bad, and the unimaginable. And the beauty of that space. So LOVE YOURSELF! LOVE OTHERS! And for pete's sake learn to LOVE CHANGE (*note to self*)!!!

Or as Elizabeth Gilbert says in her book "Committed":
"...I'd learned enough from life's experiences to understand that destiny's interventions can sometimes be read as invitations for us to address and even surmount our biggest fears. It doesn't take a genius to recognize that when you are pushed by circumstances to do the one thing you have always most specifically loathed and feared, this can be, at the very least, an interesting growth opportunity" (20).

As always, with love and gratitude,
Kate

Happy Holidays and Other Moments of Life...

Me with one of the cutest goldens ever on Christmas Eve...post celebrations with Dad's family :)

It's hard to believe that I haven't posted anything on here in two months. Sorry it's been a whirl wind of time passing...though still hard to believe December is almost over when it's brown/greening lawns and 35-50 degree weather outside here in Minnesota. Please note snow is lacking, and I am still undecided on this. I like not having the snow emergencies but Christmas arrived much quicker this year without the hints of snow to remind me that gift exchanges were on their way.

Well Mom is still recovering and healing day by day. It's hard to believe that the Leukemia diagnosis was only January 25, 2011. It's less than a year ago but it feels like a lifetime...

Mom is still having some waves of nausea, some cognitive and physical fatigue, as well as other issues. Issues like that of CMV and she has been inpatient again since the last post and is doing Foscarnet self infusions on an outpatient basis. And of course it gets shipped from Europe and is currently on an international shortage...Mom and I keep joking about moving to Europe so we have easier access to her medications. Still trying to find my "people" so they can start the plans. ;-)

Visited again with her Heart Doc and he said he's "very happy" with her hearts improvement and will be adjusting medications as needed but at this point she is back to/if not better than this time last year! Yay for mini-celebrations.

In other doctor news, Mom's BMT/Hematology doctor reviewed the results of her 6 month (post transplant) bone marrow biopsy results and she is STILL 100% DONOR!!!! :-D Her cell counts are slowly growing but no issues with Jak2 or FLT3 at this point! So yay for mom's body behaving itself!

In other exciting news, Ali got into Augsberg College and will be starting there in a few weeks to finish her undergrad! :-)

AND I finished making all of my homemade gifts just in time for the holidays! Well off to relax now that the busy season is slowing again. Going to curl up with some hot chocolate and a good book. Wishing you and yours a wonderful holiday season!

All my love,
Kate

Reminder: Mark your calenders...Mom's fundraiser is February 18th, 2012!!! :) Hope to see you all there!