Mom with Jill's little pup
Action photo from Mom's Memorial Service
One of my favorite "imp-ish" faces mom used to love, very Dixie Pixie :)
Two hilarious story tellers <3 br="">
Three years ago today, my sister, my mom and her sister were all sitting in a hospital room deciding where she would be going next. Her vitals were holding but she was getting more and more tired. Her team of doctors, nurses, social worker, nursing aids and all of us were beginning to realize she was starting to need more palliative care. The discussion of hospice was introduced. Would Mom prefer to be at home or in a residential site? Would we like to go tour the sites? What was her (and our) biggest concerns regarding her passing.
My stepmom stopped by with her commissioned gifts for Mom and her chicks. We each were handed our own individualized "I Love You To The Moon And Back" necklace. Mom, once she passed, was to be cremated with hers. I remember watching my mom and my stepmom saying their final goodbyes to one another. The beauty of that moment, the healing of our hearts that had gone through to get to that place of compassion after my parents divorce, still astounds me. Lisa and Dixie had become good friends, my heart was full. I looked out the window of mom's room and recall thinking how serene the view from that site was. We were high above the trees with a bird's eye view of the river down below. Life breathed all around us and yet time had stopped inside our room, all focus on one another.
Plans were made for me to tour a Residential Hospice site up in Brooklyn Center. I drove to the North Memorial Site heartbreaking as my GPS directed me to what would be mom's final home. As I pulled in the long drive through the quiet trees down to a lovely site that settled next to a pond my heart breathed and I cried. This was it. This was mom's heaven on earth. The space was designed in Mission theme, mom's favorite. The view from her room would be of the pond I saw when I arrived. The staff provided delicious comfort foods via a communal crockpot every day, my addiction to Loaded Potato Soup with fresh bread would shortly follow. I left the space ready for what was to come next, as much as one can ever be. The hard part was how were Ali and I going to afford to stay with mom for "as long as it took" for her to leave this earth. It was suggested to me to humble myself, as much as I could, and post publicly about my financial need (my job did not provide PTO and Ali, I think had not worked long enough at her site to qualify for PTO).
The post that I created is the reminder I saw when I logged into Facebook today. My most humbling moment. The moment when I shortly realized how truly incredible all of the community surrounding us during this journey truly was. Within hours we had received enough financial support to stay with mom for at least two weeks. We also received an upon check to provide payment for mom's residential site, as the nursing care would be covered by insurance but the site itself was not.
My heart caught in my throat, was that really only three years ago. This Friday will be the three year anniversary of when my mom left her physical form at 5:55am on August 5, 2013. How can that only have been three years ago? How can three years have passed already??
I found an interesting mantra in the front of my mind as I ran this morning. "What would mom do?" and "would she be proud of me?" It is so easy to tell each other "of course!!" but my heart truly wondered what would mom be doing today if she were here, what would she tell me as she hugged me goodbye? What meal would she share with me as we caught up about my work and her day? What vacation might we be planning as a family? The ache had returned suddenly and unexpected. I missed my mom, I still miss her. It was unusual though, how it comforted me, I had become worried that I had begun to forget about her and this moment brought her back to me. I love you mommy! I hope you're having a wonderful day up in heaven.
Today my heart is once again tender remembering all that was given to Ali and I so freely during this time three years ago. I cannot begin to thank all of you enough for your financial, mental, emotional and physical support of all of us over these last several years but I hope that I can only live up to the legacy of love that Mom left for us with all of you.
May I live the Miss Rumphus story that mom shared with me as a young child.
All my love to each and every one of you, to the moon and back!
Kate
This one is for all of you my lovelies!
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